The Little Things
by Armontentia
Summary: Our favourite and not-so-favourite characters discover Facebook - grab the popcorn! :3
1. Cannibilstic Peacocks

_Hello :D this is my first humourous fic. Hope you enjoy it! Suggestions are taken :)_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, Facebook... etc. **  
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><p><strong>Lord Voldemort: My Bella… what did you do?<strong>

Fenrir Greyback: What DID she do? o.o

_Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Malfoy and 6 others like this._

Rodolphus Lestrange: Have mercy on her, my Lord! :(

Lord Voldemort: Rodolphus… Firstly, you don't even know what she did. Secondly, you can't tell me what to do. Thirdly, I wasn't going to punish her anyway. So shut up. And Fenrir, ask her yourself. -.-

_Bellatrix Lestrange, NoName Yaxley and Antonin Dolohov like this._

Bellatrix Lestrange: Sorry, master. And yeah, Rod, shut it.

Rodolphus Lestrange: Fine, I won't plead for you. Anyway, my Lord, what did you mean by 'MY' Bella? She's my Bella, surely? AND WHAT DID SHE DO?

Lord Voldemort: You dare question me, Lestrange?

Bellatrix Lestrange: Oh for… Rodolphus, you're 'pleading' doesn't work, anyway. And I AM NOT YOUR BELLA.

Rodolphus Lestrange: You're MY wife. WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?

Ronald Weasley: Seriously? This is what you do in your spare time? God, no wonder we keep on defeating you.

_Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and 157 others like this._

Ronald Weasley: Bloody hell that got a lot of likes.

_Fred Weasley, George Weasley and 10 others like this._

Molly Weasley: Don't use language like that, Ron.

Ginny Weasley: MUM!? YOU HAVE FACEBOOK?! O_O

Molly Weasley: Yes. I'm keeping my eye on you.

Fenrir Greyback: Hahahahaha, suck on that gingy. And Bellatrix, what did you do?:)

_Narcissa Malfoy, Andromeda Tonks and 60 others like this._

Bellatrix Lestrange: Master, why do you have so many mudbloods and blood-traitors on your friends list? And our enemies? AND ANDROMEDA? :S Greyback, I stole Lucius's peacock and tortured it until it was insane. It was squawking and tried nibbling me and turned cannibalistic and ate some of the others Sorry, Lucy. :)

Lucius Malfoy: That's quite alright.

Lord Voldemort: Really, Malfoy? Anyway, Bella, it's because I'm a sexy beast, and I deserve to have the most friends. Sorry about adding your sister. I'll block her if you want – also… that's not all you did, and you know it.

Bellatrix Lestrange: Ok, Master. And yeah, really, Lucy? I thought you'd want to put up a fight, considering you give them more affection than your own wife... Or do you know you'll lose to a girl? Well, a REAL girl, anyway.

_Harry Potter, Lord Voldemort and 11 others like this._

Narcissa Malfoy: What do you mean, a REAL girl? And Lucius doesn't pay THAT much attention to them... most of the time...

_Lucius Malfoy likes this._

Lord Voldemort: She means that Lucius is probably gay. :)

_Bellatrix Lestrange likes this._

Draco 'Dragon' Malfoy: My father will hear about this.

Bellatrix Lestrange: We're actually talking about him, Draco. So yeah, he probably already knows.

_Lord Voldemort, Fenrir Greyback and 2 others like this._

Lucius Malfoy: You guys are so mean! :/

Antonin Dolohov: HAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAH.

Bellatrix Lestrange: HAHAHHAAH OH MY GOD.

Lord Voldemort: HAHHAHAHAHHA.

Rodolphus Lestrange: AHHHAHAHAH GAY BROTHER IN LAW.

Bellatrix Lestrange: Killed it.

_Lord Voldemort, Fenrir Greyback and 9 others like this._

Lord Voldemort: You need to sort out your priorities, Rodolphus. Or, perhaps, get me and Bella to torture you?

_Bellatrix Lestrange likes this._

Rodolphus Lestrange: Well… no.

Bellatrix Lestrange: Nice comeback…

_The Order Of The Phoenix likes This._

Lord Voldemort: All of you liked it? When she's killed and tortured loads of you? See, Rodolphus, this is how much everyone hates you. And you're worthless. Useless, really. I can't remember why I marked you anymore...

_Bellatrix Lestrange likes this._

Lord Voldemort: Thanks for liking most of my comments, Bells.

Bellatrix Lestrange: BELLS? YOU JUST CALLED ME BELLS? :D :D :D :D :D :D

Lord Voldemort: Yes… yes, I did.

Hermione Granger: Erm.

_Harry Potter, Luna Lovegood and 204 others like this._


	2. Hacking You-Know-Who

**Bellatrix Lestrange: Master? I just found an account called Tom Riddle Jr. (The Dark Lord). When was this from?**

_Albus Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall and 109 others like this._

Lord Voldemort: Um… That was my old account before I forgot my old email.

Bellatrix Lestrange: Ok. ^.^ x

Lord Voldemort: :) xxx

Albus Dumbledore: HE DOESN'T MEAN THE KISSES, BELLATRIX. HE CAN'T LOVE.

Lord Voldemort: Well, you just had to go ruin her day, didn't you?

_Bellatrix Lestrange, Narcissa Malfoy and 94 others like this._

Narcissa Malfoy: God, Dumbledore. She was dealing so well with her insanity, but no, you just go and rain on her parade, because you don't give a damn about insane Death Eaters, do you?

_Bellatrix Lestrange, Lord Voldemort and 12 others like this._

Albus Dumbledore: Narcissa! I understand people very well, thank you!

Narcissa Malfoy: What's that got to do with anything?

Fenrir Greyback: Yeah!

Lord Voldemort: Yeah, Dumbles, what DOES that have to do with anything?

Bellatrix Lestrange: :(

Lord Voldemort: Awwww Bella 

Narcissa Malfoy: Don't worry, honey, Dumby's just an old fool who doesn't know what he's saying. 

Bellatrix Lestrange: Ok, thankyouu both xxxx xx x xx x x xxxxxx

_Lord Voldemort and Narcissa Malfoy like this._

Lord Voldemort: It's okay xxx

Narcissa Malfoy: No problem sis xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ronald Weasley: Voldemort, you actually care about her?

Bellatrix Lestrange: Don't say his name, Weasley.

_Lord Voldemort likes this._

Lord Voldemort: Yeah, Weasley. Bella, thanks for saying that, but where's the angered speech? Where's the insane insults? Xxxxxxx

Bellatrix Lestrange: I'm emotional now, master. I'm sorry. :( xxxxxxxxxx

Lord Voldemort: It's ok, but maybe do what you would do? It might cheer you up xxxxxxxxxxx (SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO HER, DUMBLEDORE?)

Albus Dumbledore: Sorry, Bella. Xx

Lord Voldemort: You. Are. NOT. ALLOWED. TO. CALL. HER. THAT. OR. GIVE. HER. X'S.

Albus Dumbledore: Why do you care, Tom? Feeling loving?

_Harry Potter likes this._

Harry Potter: AHAHAHAHAHAH. MY HEADMASTER OWNS YOU, BALDYVOLDY.

_Albus Dumbledore, Hermione Granger and 8 others like this._

Lord Voldemort: Stfu, bitch.

_The Dark Side likes this._

Bellatrix Lestrange: This isn't at all awkward :/

Lord Voldemort: Bellaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I know something they don't know. Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bellatrix Lestrange: About what, my Lord?x

Lord Voldemort: I know something about YOU Bellsytoo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bellatrix Lestrange: Er. Bellsytoo?:/ x

Lord Voldemort: I'll let you call me Voldykins. Xxx

_Lucius Malfoy, Fenrir Greyback and 190 others like this._

Bellatrix Lestrange: Erm…

Fenrir Greyback: Come on, Bella, it's not that hard – you're getting the chance to call the Dark Lord Voldykins!

Bellatrix Lestrange: I'm getting called Bellsytoo though. :/

Lord Voldemort: Go on, Bellatrix, it's cute :) xx And Greyback… who gave YOU permission to call me that?

Fenrir Greyback: Erm. Sorry, my Lord.

Bellatrix Lestrange: Master… did someone give you a drugged potion or something? X

Lord Voldemort: HACKED. HACKED. HACKED. HACKED.

_The Entire Wizarding World likes this._

Bellatrix Lestrange: OH MY GOD, SINCE WHEN?

Lord Voldemort: Since 'stfu bitch.' X

Bellatrix Lestrange: Oh thank god. X

_Lord Voldemort and Albus Dumbledore like this._

Albus Dumbledore: So… you do give her kisses then..?

_Aberforth Dumbledore likes this._

Lord Voldemort: SHUT UP

Bellatrix Lestrange: _

Neville Longbottom: Check your snake

Antonin Dolohov: What?

Neville Longbottom: Oh sorry! Haven't done that yet.

_Harry Potter likes this._

Lord Voldemort: What?

Neville Longbottom: Erm. Nothing:)

Lord Voldemort: Right... Longbottom, do you want Bella to torture you until insanity like your parents?

_Bellatrix Lestrange, Fenrir Greyback and 11 others like this._

Bellatrix Lestrange: OH PLEASE, PLEASE MASTER! PLEASEEEEEEE! I HAVEN'T TORTURED SOMEONE INTO INSANITY IN . xxx

Lord Voldemort: We'll see. xxx


	3. Mudblood Hunting

**Fenrir Greyback: Going mudblood hunting with Bella!:) **

_The Dark Eaters, Durmstrang School and 109 others like this_

Bellatrix Lestrange: Can't wait Frenz :) x

_Fenrir Greyback likes this_

Fenrir Greyback: Phwoarr how many do your reckon we'll get? X

Bellatrix Lestrange: Hmm I'd say around 90? X

Fenrir Greyback: Excellent. X

Albus Dumbledore: Sorry to disappoint you, Fenrir, but it's not the full moon tonight.

_Harry Potter and Remus Lupin like this_

Fenrir Greyback: Sorry to disappoint YOU Dumbledore but I don't care.

_Bellatrix Lestrange, Lord Voldemort and 8 others like this_

Bellatrix Lestrange: Yeah, we're still going.

Lord Voldemort: Have fun xx

Bellatrix Lestrange: Thank you Master xx

_Lord Voldemort likes this_

Lord Voldemort: You're welcome. Xx

Fenrir Greyback: Thanks, my Lord.

Albus Dumbledore: What do you mean you're still going? I understand that Bella would go, seeing as she loves torturing people, but… you? You need to be in wolf form, right?

Fenrir Greyback: Wrong.

_Lord Voldemort, Greyback's Gang and 2 others like this_

Bellatrix Lestrange: :/ … he did it again…

Lord Voldemort: OH MY GOD, DUMBLEDORE. STOP. CALLING. BELLA. BELLA. YOU. ARE. NOT. ALLOWED.

_Bellatrix Lestrange likes this_

Albus Dumbledore: What do I call her then? All of you call her Bella.

Bellatrix Lestrange: Yeah because they're allowed. :/

Lord Voldemort: Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Xxxx

Bellatrix Lestrange: Master? Xxxx

Lord Voldemort: Just proving to Dumbee that he can't call you it. Xxxxxx

Bellatrix Lestrange: Ok :) xxxxxx

Albus Dumbledore: KISSES, AGAIN WITH THE KISSES. Oh and it's DumbY if you have to nickname me.

Bellatrix Lestrange: It really isn't.

_The Dark Side, All Slytherins and Dolores Umbridge like this_

Bellatrix Lestrange: Dolores Umbridge? Who's that?

Dolores Umbridge: Hem Hem! I am the Minster of Magic's assistant – right-hand woman, you might say. And you, Bellatrix Lestrange, are supposed to be in Azkaban. Who broke you out?

Bellatrix Lestrange: Err, it's obvious, isn't it? And we might kill you, Dolly :)

Lord Voldemort: She's in denial about the fact I'm back, Bells. We'll definitely kill her. Xxxx

Dolores Umbridge: You are NOT BACK. :) The minister said so. His word is law.

Lord Voldemort: Yes, yes I am… and no. That's not right, his word isn't law.

Bellatrix Lestrange: DOLLY! YOU GOT IT WRONG. It's the Dark Lord's word that's law. Even Sevvy knows that :P

Severus Snape: Don't call me that.

Bellatrix Lestrange: What should I call you then?

Sirius Black: Snivellus.

_The Marauders like this_

James Potter: Haha, nice one :)

Lily Potter: James. I told you all to stop calling him that :(

Lord Voldemort: Anyone know why Bella's just started screaming?

Severus Snape: Why's she there with you, if I may ask, my Lord?

_Everyone likes this (apart from Bellatrix and Voldemort)_

Lord Voldemort: We were… no, you can't ask that.

Bellatrix Lestrange: AHHHH AHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHH AHHH AHH

Lord Voldemort: What's wrong?xxxxxxxxxx

Narcissa Malfoy: A Mudblood commented on a status about her.

Lord Voldemort: That's happened before.

Narcissa Malfoy: Yeah, but Bella didn't want to talk directly to her.

Lord Voldemort: Ah, right, that makes sense. Apart from the fact I just commented after the mudblood…

Bellatrix Lestrange: AHHH AHHHH AHHH AHHH MY LIFE IS FALLING APART

Lord Voldemort: Why, what happened now?xx

Narcissa Malfoy: You commented after the mudblood.

Lord Voldemort: You know, Narcissa, you may not be a Death Eater, but it would still be nice to get called 'My Lord'/ 'Master' every once in a while like Bellatrix.

_Bellatrix Lestrange likes this_

Bellatrix Lestrange: Yeah, show some respect, Cissy.

Narcissa Malfoy: You just screamed at him over Facebook!

Bellatrix Lestrange: I never screamed at him.

Narcissa Malfoy: YES YOU DID?

Bellatrix Lestrange: No, I said AHHH because of the mudblood :(

Luna Lovegood: Maybe the Nargles made you do it…

Bellatrix Lestrange: Nargles? What the hell are Nargles? Do you mean Narwhals? Ahh… Narwhals…

Lord Voldemort: Yeah, she meant narwhals. Silly little Lovegood xxx

Luna Lovegood: No, Narwhals! I mean… no Nargles! :/

Bellatrix Lestrange: Really? Are you sure about that..?

_Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley and 1084 others like this_


	4. Muggle Music

**A/N: EEE THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS, EVERYONE! I'm glad you're all enjoying this! Won't keep this A/N long. Cissy's status is from Kesha: Blow. And it isn't long because I'm going to go to bed early (I live in England). But this is my 2****nd**** update today… so please don't be too annoyed!**

**Enjoy! Please review! ;) **

**Narcissa Malfoy: Let your crazy out!(8)**

Bellatrix Lestrange: OK! :D xx

Narcissa Malfoy: NO! NOT YOU! NO!

_Everyone likes this._

Bellatrix Lestrange: Why'd you say it then?

Narcissa Malfoy: It's from a song :/

Bellatrix Lestrange: … it's by a muggle, isn't it?

Narcissa Malfoy: … maybe …

Lord Voldemort: Oh well done, Narcissa. She's off again.

Narcissa Malfoy: Sorry, my Lord.

Lord Voldemort: Why'd you say it then?

Narcissa Malfoy: I don't know. :(

Lord Voldemort: She's right to be screaming, you know. You're a pureblood and you're listening to muggle music? What brought you to this?

Narcissa Malfoy: Lucius.

_Harry Potter, Horace Slughorn and 1494 others like this._

Lucius Malfoy: I didn't mean to…

Narcissa Malfoy: Well next time, DON'T LISTEN TO MUGGLE MUSIC AT 3 IN THE MORNING.

Lucius Malfoy: Yes, dear…

Draco Malfoy: Yeah, Dad, and please don't sing along.

Lucius Malfoy: But it's such a good song!

Lord Voldemort: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!

Bellatrix Lestrange: Has anyone seen Rodolphus around lately?

Lord Voldemort: No, why? Xx

Bellatrix Lestrange: I haven't seen him in ages, and I haven't got anyone to take my anger out

Lord Voldemort: You're a witch, apparate to some muggles?xx

Bellatrix Lestrange: I would, but last time I was this angry and apparated I blew up that town, remember? Xx

Lord Voldemort: Oh yes, that was very amusing. Xx

Bellatrix Lestrange: It was, wasn't it?xx

Narcissa Malfoy: Bellatrix. DON'T TRY IT AGAIN.

Lord Voldemort: Too late. ;)

Narcissa Malfoy: Oh god.


	5. Rodolphus' question

**Rodolphus Lestrange: Bellatrix hasn't come home. Anyone know where she is?**

Lord Voldemort: What? She's not there? Where was she last?

Narcissa Malfoy: YOU BETTER FIND HER OR SO HELP ME…

Rodolphus Lestrange: What? You'll get Draco on my case?

Lord Voldemort: No. She'll get me to kill you.

Rodolphus Lestrange: …

Albus Dumbledore: You'll let someone talk you into doing something for them?

_Harry Potter and Sybill Trelawney like this._

Lord Voldemort: No. I'd do it anyway.

_Narcissa Malfoy likes this._

Albus Dumbledore: Why? You care about Bellatrix?

Lord Voldemort: Yes.

Harry Potter: AHAHAHAHHA, YOU CARE ABOUT SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF?

Lord Voldemort: YES. Now go do some potions homework. And remember, you're just a teenager.

_Narcissa Malfoy, Fenrir Greyback and 209 others like this._

Harry Potter: DAMN YOU.

Lord Voldemort: I'm already damned. :P

Bellatrix Lestrange: I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. ^.^ xxx

Lord Voldemort: Where've you been? Xxx

Rodolphus Lestrange: Where are you?

Narcissa Malfoy: Oh thank God you're ok! Xxxx

Bellatrix Lestrange: Master! Xxx Cissaaaaaaa! Xxxx Rodolphus… X_X

_Narcissa Malfoy, The Order of The Phoenix and 901 others like this._

Lord Voldemort: Where were you, Bella? Xxx

Bellatrix Lestrange: Read pages 1+2 of the prophet :) xxx

Narcissa Malfoy: Ok… :/ xxx

Lord Voldemort: AHAHAHAHAHAHA, OH MY GOD BELLA xD xxxxxxx

Narcissa Malfoy: YOU IDIOT.

Bellatrix Lestrange: What? They deserved it. Xx

Narcissa Malfoy: HOW?

Bellatrix Lestrange: They called me an insane bitch :(

Narcissa Malfoy: You _are _insane. Mama and Papa said so.

Bellatrix Lestrange: Yes, I am, and seriously? You bring them into this? We're not 7 years old anymore, Narcissa.

_Lord Voldemort, Sirius Black and 183 others like this,_

Sirius Black: To be fair, you are kind of a bitch.

Bellatrix Lestrange: That's why I'm still alive… probably :)

Lord Voldemort: I wouldn't let you die :O! Xxxxxxx

Bellatrix Lestrange: R… Really, master? :D! Xxxx

Lord Voldemort: Really. Xxxxxxxxxx

Gellert Grindelwald: How sweet. -.-

_Albus Dumbledore likes this._

Lord Voldemort: I CARE ABOUT BELLA, OK?

Albus Dumbledore: Touchy? :o

Gellert Grindelwald: Jeez. :/

Harry Potter: What?

Ronald Weasley: Bloody hell.

Fred Weasley: Well… that's er… unexpected.

Hermione Granger: You're meant to be incapable of that, though!

Narcissa Malfoy: Awesome :) Someone cares about Bella apart from me! :D

George Weasley: Fred, where's the antidote to puking pastilles?

Sirius Black: Awwww, my big deranged cousin has an admirer :)

Lily Potter: Normally I'd ask how ANYONE could care about her, but then again, it's you…

Severus Snape: How long, my Lord?

Peter 'Wormtail' Pettigrew: I'm a rat!

Sirius Black: Trying to get some of the attention, Wormy?

James Potter: Like that'll happen.

Remus Lupin: We all know you're a rat anyway.

Rita Skeeter: Even I can't find anything interesting to write about that, Pettigrew.

Peter 'Wormtail' Pettigrew: :(


	6. Private Messaging

**A/N: Just feel that I should thank EVERYONE was has reviewed, subscribed and favourite me/my stories, it means a lot to me! ^-^**

**This is especially dedicated to…**

**Lady Mitzi – For reviewing all the chapters ^.^ xx**

**decembersonnet – For also reviewing all the chapters and saying what you like about them (: xx**

**Gamma Orionis – For such kind words on the reviews you give me :) xx**

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><p><strong>Barty Crouch Jr.: I hate my life : **__

_Albus Dumbledore, Bellatrix Lestrange and 1029 others like this._

Barty Crouch Jr.: I feel loved…

Lord Voldemort: Why do you hate your life? You're following me!

Barty Crouch Jr.: That's why :/

Bellatrix Lestrange: OH MY GOD NO :O

Lord Voldemort: We'll kill you.

Barty Crouch Jr.: Ok. We?

Lord Voldemort: Me and Bella.

Bellatrix Lestrange: Yaaaaaay! :)

Barty Crouch Jr.: I'M SORRY NO! NO, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME, MY LORD!

Lord Voldemort: … what?

Bellatrix Lestrange: Why not? You were happy for us to a moment ago.

Barty Crouch Jr.: That's because I didn't know you would do it!

Lord Voldemort: You fear her more than me?

Barty Crouch Jr.: Well… only her Crucio.

Bellatrix Lestrange: God you're dumb.

Lord Voldemort: Bellatrix.

Bellatrix Lestrange: Master?

Lord Voldemort: Reply to my PM :/xx

Bellatrix Lestrange: Ok :)xx

Albus Dumbledore: I'm going to hack Bella's account to read what you said, Tom.

Albus Dumbledore: BELLATRIX****

Lord Voldemort: Hmm… I'll let you off… AND DON'T YOU DARE.

Bellatrix Lestrange: I've replied my Lord. Xx

Lord Voldemort: Good good xx

Bellatrix Lestrange: DON'T, DUMBY.

Albus Dumbledore: Ok :/

_Bellatrix Lestrange and Lord Voldemort like this._

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><p><span>Between you and Bellatrix Lestrange:<span>

Lord Voldemort: Bella… what Crouch said… can you teach me how to crucio like you? :/ xxxx

Bellatrix Lestrange: Of course, master! Xxxx

Lord Voldemort: Thank you! Xxxx

Albus Dumbledore: Not like she could say no, could she?

Lord Voldemort: HOW DID YOU GET HERE?

Bellatrix Lestrange: WTF DUMBY?

Albus Dumbledore: It's the first time I have ever used the imperious curse.

Bellatrix Lestrange: Ooh, how'd it go?

Lord Voldemort: Bella, he's our enemy xxxxxxxx… Dumbledore, on who?

Albus Dumbledore: A Facebook manager.

Bellatrix Lestrange: I know, master, but it's an unforgivable. And he's on the Light side. _Dumbledore_, leader of the Light side, used an unforgivable just to see what you wanted to tell me… not that I mean that what you say isn't important. Xxxxxxx

Albus Dumbledore: Oh my god, you're right...

Bellatrix Lestrange: I am, aren't I?

Lord Voldemort: AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHH, WELL DONE BELLA :') XXXXXX

Bellatrix Lestrange: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!xxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lord Voldemort: IN YOUR FACE, DUMBLEDORE.

Albus Dumbledore: You're the one who wanted to ask your 'servant' to teach you how to cast crucio as well as her. You're the one who's admitting she's better at it than you… and you're 24 years older than her.

Lord Voldemort: Shut it.


	7. Where's her Wand?

**Bellatrix Lestrange: WHO THE HELL HAS MY WAND?**

Lord Voldemort: SOMEONE STOLE YOUR WAND!xxxx

Narcissa Malfoy: OH MY GOD :O xx but how come some things were exploding earlier? Xxx

Rodolphus Lestrange: AHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Wait. She can still do magic?

Narcissa Malfoy: WHY DID YOU TAKE HER WAND?

Lord Voldemort: GIVE IT BACK TO HER.

Bellatrix Lestrange: WHERE DID YOU PUT IT? And yes, I can still do magic ^.^

Lord Voldemort: How come? Xxxxxxx

Rodolphus Lestrange: I'm screwed.

Narcissa Malfoy: Serves you right.

Bellatrix Lestrange: My lovely insanity gives me treats…

Lord Voldemort: Erm. What?xxx

Narcissa Malfoy: Do you mean that when you get really angry or have one of those really scary insane mood things you can do magic without a wand? xx

Bellatrix Lestrange: Yes :) xx

Lord Voldemort: That's weird.

Narcissa Malfoy: She's always been like that… my lord.

Bellatrix Lestrange: :D YOU CALLED HIM MY LORD :)! My sister's growing up xxxx

Narcissa Malfoy: Bella… I'm only four years younger than you -.- xxxx

Lord Voldemort: Really… four years?

Narcissa Malfoy: What's that meant to mean?

Lord Voldemort: Er. Nothing :)

Bellatrix Lestrange: I know what that means :D xxx

Lord Voldemort: Yeah but don't tell her. xxx

Narcissa Malfoy: TELL ME!

Lord Voldemort: I meant that sometimes you look older than her. :)

Bellatrix Lestrange: :D :D :D :D :D

Narcissa Malfoy: I'VE HAD WAY MORE TO STRESS ABOUT THAN HER!

Bellatrix Lestrange: WHERE THE HELL IS MY WAND, RODOLPHUS?

Lord Voldemort: I REALLY DOUBT THAT, NARCISSA! BELLA HAS HAD TO STRESS ABOUT ME LOADS!

Rodolphus Lestrange: I'M NOT GIVING IT BACK TO YOU, BELLATRIX!

Albus Dumbledore: RANDOM CAPITAL LETTERS. WOOO!

_Harry Potter, Bellatrix Lestrange and 10928 others like this._

Bellatrix Lestrange: DUMBY, WHERE'S MY WAND!

Albus Dumbledore: How would I know?

Lord Voldemort: o.o

Narcissa Malfoy: I have to worry about not getting caught in Azkaban and Lucius and Draco _and _Bella! All Bella has to care about is you!

Lord Voldemort: Bella?

Bellatrix Lestrange: Master?

Lord Voldemort: You only care about me?

Bellatrix Lestrange: Well um mostly, sometimes I care about whether I'll get to torture or kill mudbloods each day with Fenrir (who I haven't seen since we went mudblood hunting, anyone know where he is? :( ) and I care about the cause and my family being kept right but… mostly you, yes :)

Lord Voldemort: :')

Narcissa Malfoy: YOU JUST REALISED?

Lord Voldemort: Yeah…

Bellatrix Lestrange: And I don't care about getting caught in Azkaban because master will free me xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bellatrix Lestrange: I don't care about Lucius since he made you listen to music that muggles made. I haven't talked to Draco in donks. I don't care about myself because… I don't know why!:O Oh and Cissy I care a bit about you. Xxxxxxx

Lord Voldemort: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww how sweet! Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Narcissa Malfoy: Why don't you care about Draco?

Bellatrix Lestrange: I don't know, stop asking me ! :'(

Lord Voldemort: God stop putting so much pressure on her, Narcissa!

Narcissa Malfoy: You're one to talk.

Lord Voldemort: I'M HER MASTER, WILL PEOPLE STOP TELLING ME THAT 'I'M ONE TO TALK'!

Bellatrix Lestrange: I just broke my hand… and I don't have my wand to fix it

Lord Voldemort: How'd you break your hand? Xx

Bellatrix Lestrange: Er, Rodolphus made me read this muggle book and then it said that the Bella person got kissed by a werewolf and then she punched him and broke her hand, so I was like, oh right! This book's about me! And then Rodolphus imperio'd a werewolf to kiss me… which I actually think was Fenrir… and then I remembered about the book so punched him and then Rodolphus laughed and used a spell to break it when I punched him

Lord Voldemort: Your husband is messed up.


	8. RAB or RAB?

**Rabastan Lestrange: I love my sister in law! I love you Bellaa! Xxxxxxx**

_Bellatrix Lestrange likes this_

Bellatrix Lestrange: Love you too Rab xxx

Harry Potter: RAB!

Bellatrix Lestrange: Er… yes…

Hermione Granger: OH MY EGGING FOD!

Ronald Weasley: Egging Fod?

_Bellatrix Lestrange, Fred Weasley and 2109 others like this_

Hermione Granger: Effing God **

Bellatrix Lestrange: What's the big deal? It's my nickname for him?

Lord Voldemort: o.o

Harry Potter: HE STOLE THE HORCRUX! R.A.B.!

Rabastan Lestrange: What the hell is a horcrux? And why did you put dots between my name?

_Bellatrix Lestrange, Regulus Black and 47 others like this_

Regulus Black: YOU'RE MISTAKING HIM FOR ME POTTER LULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLZZZZ

Harry Potter: You're dead though!

Regulus Black: Has that seriously been a problem before? You're mum and dad talked on here and they're dead

Harry Potter: Oh my god.

Regulus Black: Ya. YA.

Hermione Granger: But you're just R.B though – where's the A?

Regulus Black: Arcturus

Lord Voldemort: He's an inferi, now

Bellatrix Lestrange: … that's what happened to him?

Lord Voldemort: Oh… uh…

Bellatrix Lestrange: YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT!

Lord Voldemort: But he's a traitor!

Bellatrix Lestrange: HE WAS ONLY 18! D:

Lord Voldemort: But Bella!

Bellatrix Lestrange: Don't choo 'but Bella' me!

Severus Snape: Hahahahahahaha.

_Lily Potter, Sirius Black and 623 others like this._

Lord Voldemort: What?

Sirius Black: You've probably alr- wait, what? Reggy turned out to be a good person after all? AND YOU KILLED HIM?

Lord Voldemort: Yes, and yes. I've probably already what?

Sirius Black: OH MY GOD, REG! D': D': D':

James Potter: He means you've probably done it with her.

Lord Voldemort: … o.o

Lily Potter: James! Harry can see this!

Harry Potter: DAD WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? WHY WOULD YOU PUT THAT IMAGE INTO OUR HEADS?!

James Potter: It was Sirius who said it first!

Harry Potter: But he just realised his little brother became an inferi. I think he deserves some peace for now.

James Potter: Fine -.-

Lord Voldemort: How would you know if we've done it or not?

James Potter: Erm…

Bellatrix Lestrange: Sirius?

Sirius Black: Bellatrix?

Bellatrix Lestrange: I DIDN'T KNOW ;(

Sirius Black: It's ok… I know you didn't

Rabastan Lestrange: This is happy…

Regulus Black: Hey, bro. You can talk to me now :3

Sirius Black: Naahhh. I think it's OK to just leave it like that.

Regulus Black: …wut

Bellatrix Lestrange: Yeah… I forgive you master

Lord Voldemort: Yay!

Regulus Black: So… you don't care?

Walburga Black: YOU DISGRACED US!

Bellatrix Lestrange: Yep. OH YAY FENRIR JUST CAME BACK :D

Fenrir Greyback: Bellaaa! Xx

Bellatrix Lestrange: Fenrir! Xx

Lord Voldemort: Welcome back from your cycle…

Fenrir Greyback: Thanks, malord.

Lord Voldemort: 'Malord'?

Fenrir Greyback: My lord *

Lord Voldemort: Better. :L

Bellatrix Lestrange: Master?

Lord Voldemort: Bella?

Bellatrix Lestrange: Why is my sister downstairs?

Severus Snape: Why are you over there AGAIN?

Lord Voldemort: Don't ask questions, Snape. Bella, she's there for you.

Narcissa Malfoy: I'm not there, though :/

Andromeda Tonks: You aint the only sister, bish

Narcissa Mafloy: :O :O :O

Andromeda Tonks: ;)

Bellatrix Lestrange: What do you want?

Andromeda Tonks: Nothing, just wanted to see if I could cut your hair like when we were younger

Bellatrix Lestrange: OH MY GOD :O WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? I LOVE MY HAIR.

Lord Voldemort: YOU GO GIRL!

Fenrir Greyback: OI BLOOD TRAITOR, BELLA'S HAIR IS SEXY. I LOVE IT.

Lord Voldemort: … you think her hair is sexy?

Fenrir Greyback: Yes.

Bellatrix Lestrange: Thankyouu! :D xxxx

Lord Voldemort: I'm the only one allowed to think she's sexy.

Fenrir Greyback: Sorry, my lord, I never said about her being sexy… even though she is…

Bellatrix Lestrange: I am? :o

Lord Voldemort: Hell yeah.

Bellatrix Lestrange: \-O-O-/

Lord Voldemort: What's that, a Harry Potter emoticon?

Bellatrix Lestrange: Erm… anyone with glasses really.

Harry Potter: GOD, VOLDEMORT! YOU ARE SO INSENSITIVE! YOU THINK JUST BECAUSE IT HAS GLASSES IT'S ME? JEEZ!

Lord Voldemort: o.o

Bellatrix Lestrange O.o

Fenrir Greyback o.O

Lord Voldemort: (:

Bellatrix Lestrange: death eaters are fun

_Lord Voldemort and all the Death Eaters like this_


	9. Scabior's Scarf

**I'm sorry! :'( this is really short, I'm going to netball soon so don't have long to type this but thought I should give you guys an update. Xxx**

**Thank you again to the reviewers! And you're welcome to those who thanked me :P Please review if you have time! Xx**

* * *

><p><strong>Snatching Scabior: Err… anyone know where my scarf is?<strong>

Bellatrix Lestrange: Which one? X

Snatching Scabior: Um… the pink one... X

Bellatrix Lestrange: I think Fenrir took it? X

Fenrir Greyback: Oh yeah sorry thought it might help me persuade some muggle girls to come with me.

_Lord Voldemort, Ronald Weasley and 59 others like this_

Snatching Scabior: :O

Lord Voldemort: Hahaha, I was waiting for that scarf to get out the way.

Bellatrix Lestrange: I just had super fun :D xxxxxxx

Fenrir Greyback: How come? Xxx

Lord Voldemort: Greyback…

Fenrir Greyback: My Lord?

Bellatrix Lestrange: Well there was this muggle and they were listening to muggle music and at first I was like 'ooh is this the same person who Narcissa was forced to listen to?' but it wasn't and it was this person who was singing something about being proud and she went 'what have you done today, to make you feeeeeeeel proudddd?' and I was like 'well, I killed some muggleborns and stuff, but that's normal, so nothing yet. Why, what have you done?' and then the person who was listening to her turned round and screamed and then I was scared, why wouldn't I be? I mean, this person just screamed at me, so I looked at myself, and loads of blood was dripping off, and I was like ooooooooooooh bad first impression… so cleaned it up but then I realised it was MY blood. So then I couldn't go to St Mungo's and then I was scared that I would splinch myself but I didn't when I apparated to Spinner's End to see Severus and he fixed me up so then I imperio'd him to come mudblood hunting with me, and we did! But he wouldn't talk seeing as he was under the imperious so it wasn't as fun as it would be with you lot but it was quite good.

Lord Voldemort: Well… that was a lot to take in. xxxx

Fenrir Greyback: Wish you invited me xxxx

Bellatrix Lestrange: Aww sorry! Xxxx

Lord Voldemort: ! :( :( :(

Bellatrix Lestrange: What's up? Xxxxxx

Lord Voldemort: He's giving you kissesssssssssss !xxxx

Bellatrix Lestrange: Erm… yes? Xxxx

Fenrir Greyback: He doesn't want me to… :/

Lord Voldemort: I'M HER MASTER. :(

Rodolphus Lestrange: I'M HER HUSBAND :(

Fenrir Greyback: I'M HER BEST FRIEND :(

Harry Potter: I'M HER… GOD-COUSIN-ALSO-INTER-RELATED-TYPE-THING :(

Sirius Black: I'M HER TRAITOR COUSIN :(

Andromeda Tonks: I'M HER TRAITOR SISTER :(

Narcissa Malfoy: I'M HER FAVOURITE SISTER :(

Draco Malfoy: I'M HER NEPHEW :(

Nymphadora Tonks: I'M HER NEICE :(

Walburga Black: I'M HER AUNTY :(

Orion Black: I'M HER UNCLE :(

Cygnus Black: I'M HER FATHER :(

Druella Black: I'M HER MOTHER :(

Rabastan Lestrange: I'M HER BROTHER IN LAW :(

Lucius Malfoy: I'M HER BROTHER IN LAW TOO :(

Ted Tonks: I'M HER BROTHER IN LAW AS WELL:(

Evan Rosier: I'M HER DEATH EATER COUSIN :(

Bellatrix Lestrange: I'M HER SO SHUT THE HELL UP OK

_Harrry Potter, Hermione Granger and 10920 others like this_


	10. ShampooMissing!

_A/N: OH MY GOD THANK YOU ALL :D your reviews make my day. I'm glad you all seem to be enjoying it – 56 REVIEWS :D Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! Ok, tad hyper now, and I have no idea what this is gonna be like, sooo… let's see what comes into my odd mind! :D xxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

* * *

><p><strong>Noname Yaxley: Bellaaaaa! Give me back my shampoo!<strong>

Bellatrix Lestrange: It's not like you need to use it :S

Noname Yaxley: What do you mean? Of course I do!

_Rodolphus Lestrange, Barty Crouch Jr. and 846 others like this_

Severus Snape: No, she's right, you really don't need to.

_Lord Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange like this._

Harry Potter: Yeah but YOU do…

_Ronald Weasley, Charlie Weasley and 31 others like this_

Severus Snape: 50 points from Gryffindor.

_Lord Voldemort, Bellatrix Lestrange and 2939 others like this_

Hermione Granger: Actually, professor, you can't take points away… we're on holiday…

_Ronald Weasley, Harry Potter and 183 others like this_

Severus Snape: Fine, Miss Granger. When term resumes I will have to take an immediate 100 points from Gryffindor, once those points are earned.

_Bellatrix Lestrange, Vincent Crabbe and 957 others like this_

Harry Potter: For what?

_Hermione Granger, Dean Thomas and 102 others like this_

Severus Snape: 150 now… and for being an insufferable know-it-all.

_Gregory Goyle, Draco Malfoy and 1038 others like this._

Draco Malfoy: DISSED.

Bellatrix Lestrange: Nice to know what goes on at Hogwarts :) ! xxx

Severus Snape: Sarcasm? xxx

Bellatrix Lestrange: No! xxx

Severus Snape: :D xxx

Lily Evans: :O

Severus Snape: What?

Lily Evans: You… gave… her… kisses… but… you… didn't… give… them… TO ME!

Severus Snape: Er… so?

Lord Voldemort: Yeah, what're you talking about? Bella's adorable.

Fenrir Greyback: I'd agree but I've been told not to hit on Bella. :(

_Lord Voldemort likes this_

Lord Voldemort: GOOD! AT LAST! Someone has a brain!

Bellatrix Lestrange: :(

Lord Voldemort: OH MY GOD I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT BELLA!

Fenrir Greyback: SCREW THAT, I'M HITTING ON HER ALL I LIKE.

Rodolphus Lestrange: Please… not this again…

_Hermione Granger, Seamus Finnegan and 7 others like this_

Noname Yaxley: WHY WOULDN'T I NEED SHAMPOO?

Bellatrix Lestrange: YAY FENRIR :D xxx and Yaxley, that's a muggle thing… use a spell :L

_Fenrir Greyback likes this_

Noname Yaxley: I don't know any hair washing ones…

Lord Voldemort: Bella, please talk to me! I didn't mean it like that!

Cygnus Black: Bellatrix.

Andromeda Tonks: Bella!

Narcissa Malfoy: BELLA.

Evan Rosier: Bellaaaaaaaaaaaaa…. You can't ignore him :/

Lord Voldemort: Bella please. D:

Harry Potter: I don't get it?

Albus Dumbledore: She thought he meant that she's unattractive.

Harry Potter: Oh. Bellatrix, even I can tell that's not true…

Lord Voldemort: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Bellatrix Lestrange: WTF?

Sirius Black: THAT'S GROSS. SHE'S YOUR GOD-GREAT-COUSIN-INTER-RELATED-SOMETHING!

Lily Evans: :/

James Potter: … you're kind of related to her anyway, Harry! THAT'S SICK!

Harry Potter: What? Some of their cousins marry and their parents are siblings.

Sirius Black: That's called BLACKCEST. WE HAVE TO, TO KEEP THE PURE-BLOOD LINE STRAIGHT.

Bellatrix Lestrange: My cousin's finally getting it!

Harry Potter: :S

Sirius Black: Woops.

Lord Voldemort: We have cookies, Black


	11. Bella's Cooking

_A/N: Oooooooohmygod! I'm sorry for not updating yesterday, but I was busy :( and I was busy again today but got this done, so hopefully later on I can do another chapter! Enjoy!_

* * *

><p><strong>Lord Voldemort: Bella's cooking :)<strong>

_Fenrir Greyback, Harry Potter and 710 others like this_

Horace Slughorn: COOL! What's she making?

Lord Voldemort: Apple Cake :)

Horace Slughorn: She's making a muggle pudding?

Lord Voldemort: Got a problem with that?

Horace Slughorn: Err… no! None at all!

Lord Voldemort: Good.

Minerva McGonagall: I was rather hoping she'd be making ginger newts.

_Harry Potter, Sirius Black and 542 others like this_

Lord Voldemort: What is it with you and those biscuits?

Minerva McGonagall: No idea.

Albus Dumbledore: They are simply delightful :)

_Minerva McGonagall likes this_

Armando Dippet: I WANT SOME I WANT SOME!

Lord Voldemort: Not getting any

Lucius Malfoy: Can I?

Lord Voldemort: Yeah she's making like 20 for the Death Eater meeting.

_The Death Eaters like this_

Narcissa Malfoy: You let her near an oven? And knives?

Lord Voldemort: Yup! :)

Narcissa Malfoy: Oh god.

Lord Voldemort: What?

Narcissa Malfoy: You have to ask that?

Lord Voldemort: Ooooooooooh…

Bellatrix Lestrange: I'm fine, Cissa!

Narcissa Malfoy: … how long have you been out of the kitchen?

Bellatrix Lestrange: A couple of minutes.

Narcissa Malfoy: Oh thank god -.-'

Bellatrix Lestrange: Hehehehehe. They are yummy :)

Narcissa Malfoy: Good good :)

Lord Voldemort: Is it apple pie with bits in it? Otherwise I'm not eating it.

Bellatrix Lestrange: Oooooh no! It's spongey cake with apple slices ontop xxx

Lord Voldemort: Gooood! Xxx

Fenrir Greyback: Ew. Apple.

Bellatrix Lestrange: Oh don't worry, Fenz! I've made a different one just for you xxx

Fenrir Greyback: YAY! What's in it? Xxx

Bellatrix Lestrange: Mudbloods:) xxx

_Fenrir Greyback likes this_

Narcissa Malfoy: That's disgusting. You COOKED with people? :L

Lucius Malfoy: Ewwww! And I did your nails all nice, too!

Bellatrix Lestrange: …What?

Lucius Malfoy: Yuhu!

Bellatrix Lestrange: THAT WAS YOU?

Lucius Malfoy: Oh… I thought you'd like it.

Rodolphus Lestrange: Hang on… er… you came into our bedroom?

Lucius Malfoy: Yep!

Rodolphus Lestrange: Last night?

Bellatrix Lestrange: AHHHHHHH :O

Rodolphus Lestrange: LUCIUS!

Lucius Malfoy: What? It's nice to know you have a sexual relationship ;)

Rodolphus Lestrange: Creep.

Bellatrix Lestrange: Erm… did you see… stuff?

Lucius Malfoy: Yes. You have an adorable body, Bella :)

Bellatrix Lestrange: WTFUDGE WTFUDGE WTFUDGE?

Lord Voldemort: O_O

Narcissa Malfoy: You saw another woman's naked body?

Rodolphus Lestrange: You saw my wife's naked body?

Lucius Malfoy: Yes.

Rodolphus Lestrange: :/

Narcissa Malfoy: D:

Lucius Malfoy: Bella, I need to talk to you. After you've finished cooking can you come over?

Lord Voldemort: I don't really want to…

Lucius Malfoy: I said Bella, my Lord…

Lord Voldemort: Yeah it's Bella, he let me use his account cos he's sorting out the erm… mess… I made.

Lucius Malfoy: What mess?

Lord Voldemort: Mudblood Mess.

Lucius Malfoy: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Fenrir Greyback: I'll do that!

Lord Voldemort: Oh ok, I'll go tell him :)

Fenrir Greyback: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!

Lord Voldemort: No.

Fenrir Greyback: Is that you Bella?

Lord Voldemort: No.

Fenrir Greyback: Oh.

Lord Voldemort: You're not getting any of the spare food :P

Fenrir Greyback: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Why not?

Snatchin Scabior: I WANT SOME PIEEEEEEEEE.

Lord Voldemort: Pie? She's made cake.

Snatchin' Scabior: I WANT SOME CAKEEEEEEEEEEE.

Fenrir Greyback: My Lord?

Lord Voldemort: Oh right. Yeah, I already gave the stuff to the thestrals.

Bellatrix Lestrange: THEY ARE SOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!

Lord Voldemort: She loves them :)

Fenrir Greyback: Oh… you have thestrals?

Lord Voldemort: Yep.

Bellatrix Lestrange: AND THEY'RE ADORABLE!

Severus Snape: O_O

Lord Voldemort: What?

Severus Snape: Nothing…

Lord Voldemort: You're wondering why she's here again, aren't you?

Severus Snape: Maybe...


	12. Head Off

**Augustus Rookwood: So muggles made this song called 'We're off to see the wizard'.**

… **What makes them think we won't kill them if they come and see us?**

Bellatrix Lestrange: I WOULD I WOULD I WOULD! :D

Lord Voldemort: How do you know about a muggle song?

_Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter and 1093 like this._

Ronald Weasley: HA.

Harry Potter: My Aunt watched that once…

Ronald Weasley: Oh my God. Did she like it?

Dudley 'Big D' Dursley: She really didn't.

Harry Potter: HEY BIG D!

Ronald Weasley: Why, what didn't she like?

Dudley 'Big D' Dursley: She didn't like the fact it was about wizards and witches. And hey… Small…H..?

Bellatrix Lestrange: SMALL H. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. I like you, Muggle.

Petunia Dursley: Muggle? Well, he won't like YOU! HOW DARE YOU CALL HIM THAT?

Draco Malfoy: Calm it, Woman.

Petunia Dursley: Why do so many of you have weird names?

Augustus Rookwood: I can explain for Bella.

Vernon Dursley: Don't talk to my wife!

Lord Voldemort: She asked him a question.

Ronald Weasley: HAHAHAHAH there's romance fanfiction on you and Bellatrix!

Bellatrix Lestrange: HAHAHAHAH there's romance fanfiction on you and your sister!

Harry Potter: HAHAHAHAH there's romance fanfiction on you and YOUR sister!

Bellatrix Lestrange: Which one? :/

Harry Potter: …what?

Bellatrix Lestrange: LMFAO GOT YOU.

Harry Potter: :S

Lord Voldemort: Face it; some muggles have slightly odd ideas.

Sirius Black: There's fanfiction on me and Lily.

James Potter: …what?

Lily Potter: Yeah…

Harry Potter: There's fanfiction on me and DRACO.

Draco Malfoy: Er… what?

Luna Lovegood: There's some on me and Draco.

Draco Malfoy: Cool!

Neville Longbottom: You make a good couple.

Luna Lovegood: We do, don't we? :)

Narcissa Malfoy: Strange girl.

Bellatrix Lestrange: NARWHAL GIRL!

Lord Voldemort: Bella, she meant nargles. Her father's like… more insane than you.

Bellatrix Lestrange: NO!

Narcissa Malfoy: Someone more insane than Bella? That's… hard.

Lord Voldemort: Yeah, but have you read his stuff?

Lucius Malfoy: Yes :D

Lord Voldemort: Oh god.

Luna Lovegood: Daddy writes the Quibbler.

Lord Voldemort: We know. :L

Bellatrix Lestrange: ARHGHGOPJURPAUEI HOW DARE HE BE MORE INSANE THAN ME? NOW I HAVE NOTHING TO BE PROUD OF!

Lord Voldemort: Er… you're my favourite death eater… you're the only woman in the Inner Circle. You were the first female death eater. You're my right-hand woman. Well. Right-hand man kind of. I care about you.

Bellatrix Lestrange: Oooooh yeah.

Narcissa Malfoy: You forgot about that? SERIOUSLY?

Sirius Black: You called?

Narcissa Malfoy: -.-

Bellatrix Lestrange: Hehehehe. Hey Sirius. Sirius. Sirius?

Sirius Black: Hey Bella. Bella. Bella?

Bellatrix Lestrange: LOL YOU'RE WHITE.

Sirius Black: No, I'm Black.

Bellatrix Lestrange: Stop joking ;)

Sirius Black: I'm Sirius.

Narcissa Malfoy: O_O

Bellatrix Lestrange: HAHAHAH LOLOLOL

Lord Voldemort: She's actually laughing her head off.

Bellatrix Lestrange: That's not true!

Lord Voldemort: Well… you're not actually laughing your head OFF but…

Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington: Slightly harsh.


	13. Teasing

_ALERT ALERT ALERT! Dirty chapter O_O Well. Kind of. But I'm not a dirty minded person sooo… Anyway, it's been a tough day for like all my friends with this seriously annoying person and I'm not violent so need something to take my anger out on ;) and maybe anger = dirtiness? Meh._

_Sorry it's been so long, I've been too busy lately. Please forgive me! _

* * *

><p><strong>Walden Macnair: When the Dark Lord flirts with Bella at the Death Eater meeting.<strong>

**Thanks for sharing that with us, my Lord. ;) **

_Augustus Rookwood, Fenrir Greyback and 145 others like this_

Augustus Rookwood: Haha yeah… do you think she'll let me see?

Lord Voldemort: She better not.

Walden Macnair: AWESOME! HE'S NOT EVEN DENYING IT :D

Augustus Rookwood: Err… I actually haven't seen her since then… d'you think she's ok?

Rodolphus Lestrange: Ergh. Now all you guys know too. She's probably even sexier than she was before. -.-

Lord Voldemort: O_O

Augustus Rookwood: Hahaha… I wonder if she'll do it with me…

Bellatrix Lestrange: NO I FUCKING WON'T.

Augustus Rookwood: Fucking… yes please. ;)

Lord Voldemort: Fyl. ;')

Fenrir Greyback: Stfu Augustus :')

Augustus Rookwood: AHHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Bellatrix Lestrange: :L

Lord Voldemort: Aww come on Bella… isn't it nice to know so many people want to do it with you?

Augustus Rookwood: Get in line, my lord… I'm first!

Lord Voldemort: Actually I probably was the first one she ever had it with…

Bellatrix Lestrange: PLEASE STOP IT :'/

Rodolphus Lestrange: It wasn't me?

Fenrir Greyback: I've already had it with her, too ;)

Bellatrix Lestrange: FENRIR!

Lord Voldemort: You little slapper. :)

Rodolphus Lestrange: HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU CHEATED ON ME?

Bellatrix Lestrange: it's not like you haven't cheated on me…

Fenrir Greyback: Yeah Rodolphus, I've seen you with girls loads of times.

Bellatrix Lestrange: Wtfudge?

Cornelius Fudge: Someone call?

Bellatrix Lestrange: Get lost.

Rufus Scrimgeour: Yeah ;)

Lord Voldemort: No one else gets to do it with her.

Bellatrix Lestrange: … you get to though, right?

Lord Voldemort: Duh


	14. Letters 1

**Hello! I know the last chapter kinda sucked, but I couldn't concentrate :/ So anyway… I'm changing the er… point of this whole story thing ha-ha -.-**

**So I'm still going to do the occasional Facebook Status thing if people ask, but I'm also just doing random things **** xo**

**Like this one! It's just going to be like an introduction to the one of the things I might be doing. Please leave a review if you can. I've made it so I can have anonymous reviews now :) xo Hope that solves any problems people have been having! Xo **

**I have to thank two of my friends – Alice and Megan. **** They've read these and love them and I told them about my idea, so they've given me questions and they're both helping me with the replies :D x  
><strong>

**Enjoy! x**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Bella,<em>

_Want to see my hairdresser?_

_-Sirius Black._

_**Sirius,**_

_**Er, no. **_

_**I can do magic, y'know. I actually have the ability to cut my own hair. But I don't want to. And neither do other people I know.**_

_**-Bella. x  
><strong>_

_**P.S. Why have you got someone who does a muggle occupation? Do you even see a hairdresser? And why the hell would you? Azkaban does wonders with hair.**_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Voldemort,<em>

_I know people don't tend to know you're 71. But the baldness kind of gives it away, doesn't it? _

_And to be honest, I don't find a 71 year old man that threatening. Sorry._

_-Someone who'd rather live to see tomorrow._

_**Coward,**_

_**Erm, not really, because there are people who get baldness early anyway. But that's not the point.**_

_**Don't you think that if I was bothered with my hair (or lack of it) then I'd grow some? Unlike you, you stupid muggle, I can do that on demand.**_

_**Yeah, that's right. Or did you actually forget that? The thousands of murders I've committed didn't require a gun or knife or whatever the hell you lot use to kill people nowadays.**_

_**And to be honest, you wouldn't, would you? You don't know what I've done. And I don't really care that you don't find me scary. You'll change your mind someday.**_

_**-The Dark Lord.**_

_**P.S. If Bella sees this letter, I think she'd actually hunt you down and kill you. **_

_**P.P.S. She just did.**_

_**Better get running.**_

_**P.P.P.S. Scared now?**_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Lucius,<em>

_Are you gay?_

_ -An interested homosexual._

_**Dear brave muggle,**_

_**No. I'm not. Sorry.**_

_**Do you know why people keep asking me that? Is it because they're jealous about my hair? I hope they realise I actually have a wife and son that I love. I hate having to let people down.**_

_**I apologise once more. **_

_**-Regards, Lucius.**_

* * *

><p><em>Evan Rosier,<em>

_I realise you may be asking why I killed you._

_I'd have thought it obvious._

_You're cousin was smart enough not to argue. _

_- Alistor 'Mad-Eye' Moody._

_**Moody,**_

_**Erm… I wasn't really. You're right, it is obvious. Why would you even ask that? You're smarter than that.**_

_**Yeah, yeah, Bellatrix is the best, whatever! Don't you think I got enough of that before I died?**_

_** - Evan.**_

_**P.S. Is that you, Barty?**_

_Rosier,_

_No, it's actually me. I asked because you weren't even the best death eater and I killed you, but I didn't kill the other lot who were more loyal than you._

_Erm. That's embarrassing._

_- Moody._

_**Moody,**_

_**Pfft. You really are getting old.**_

_**- Evan.**_

* * *

><p><em>Snape,<em>

_Turn to page 394._

_ - Admirer_

_**Dear Admirer,**_

_**Oh, HOW CLEVER. Quoting my most famous phrase.**_

_** - Always, Severus.**_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Severus,<em>

_I was right. I WAS RIGHT. HA!_

_- Bella. Xxx_

_**Dear Bella,**_

_**Right about what? **_

_**Calling me a coward?**_

_**- Severus. x**_

_Dear Severus,_

_Erm. Ok. I was wrong about that. But I was right about you being a traitor. :)_

_- Bella xx_

_**Dear Bella,**_

_**I'm replying for Snape.**_

_**What are you talking about?**_

_**The Dark Lord. Xx**_

_Dear Master,_

_WHY DON'T YOU BELIEVE ME? READ THE SEVENTH DAMN BOOK!_

_With all due respect._

_Love, Bella. Xox_

_**Dear Bellatrix,**_

_**Don't use capitals at ME! **_

_**The Dark Lord. Xx**_

_My Lord,_

_I apologise._

_But you should seriously read it. _

_I die, by the way. I like your reaction to my death._

_And sorry I wasn't alive to give a reaction to yours._

_Love, Bella. Xox_

_**Dear Bella,**_

_**WHAT? I DIE?**_

_**The Dark Lord. Xx**_

_Voldemort,_

_Totally. Sorry about that._

_Harry Potter and J.K. Rowling._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Did you like it? please tell moi in a review? <strong>__** Thankyouu! Xo**_

_**Yours,**_

_**Hope. Xo**_


	15. Letters 2

_A/N: YAAAAAAAAY! Over 100 reviews! :) made my day! So as a reward for yous, I'm gonna do another chapter :3_

_Glad you enjoy it and don't seem to hate me for it! :) _

* * *

><p><em>Dear Yaxley,<em>

_What's your first name? Seriously. I blame Voldy for not letting us know :(_

_-Intrigued person_

_**Dear Person,**_

_**You're all so nosy! There's only ever been like 3 people I know who haven't asked me this! And Bella doesn't because she likes to know she's like the only person people barely ever call 'Lestrange' or 'Black'! WHY CAN'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?**_

_**I think that gets the message across that I'm not going to tell you.**_

_**-Yaxley**_

_**P.S. What were you expecting? For me to say something like 'Dave'?**_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Narcissa,<em>

_How's Bella these days? _

_-Someone scared Bellatrix will crucio them if they give you their name. _

_**Dear Wuss,**_

_**She's fine. She's dealing with her illness wonderfully.**_

_**Thank you for your concern.**_

_**-Cissy x**_

* * *

><p><em>Rodolphus,<em>

_How does it feel like to only have been mentioned around 4 times in the whole book series? _

_How does it feel knowing your wife is in love with the Dark Lord and he has 'done it' with her?_

_How does it feel knowing that he cares about her and counts her above everyone else?_

_-Megan _

_**Megan the Muggle,**_

_**'It's like a huge hole has been punched through my chest...'  
><strong>_

_**Ok but seriously it freaking hurts ok it's like da fook even goes on anym0re**_

_**WUT WUT IN THE BUTT? What r u on aboot ya freak. No but seriously er it sucks man he made her extra crazy :{{{**_

_**They had sex? What? WHAT? WHAT? THERE'S EVIDENCE FOR THAT? I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A RUMOUR LUCIUS MADE UP BECAUSE HE HATES HER SO MUCH.**_

_**-Rodolphus yo**_

_Rod,_

_Quoting Twilight..? What?  
><em>

_You poor thing! Has she always been that way?_

_Um… well they have a 'sick sexual' relationship.  
><em>

_I'm here if you need to talk to anyone._

_-Megan x_

_**Megan,**_

_**She was born insane. So, yes.  
><strong>_

_**WHAT? Dude what am I doing with my life?!**_

_**Ok. I think I need it.**_

_**-Rod x**_

_**P.S. Thank you. x**_

_Rod,_

_It's ok. :) And I don't know if she would have willingly let him, but she must have… because he's the Dark Lord… _

_I'll leave you on that depressing thought._

_-Megan x_

_**Megan,**_

_**I don't want to talk to you anymore BISH.  
><strong>_

_**-Rodolphus**_

* * *

><p><em>Voldemort,<em>

_Hi. Can I become a Death Eater?_

_-Jade_

_**Jade,**_

_**No.**_

_**-The Dark Lord.**_

* * *

><p><em>Bella,<em>

_Did you do that thing with that ring I gave you?_

_-The Dark Lord. xx_

_**Master,**_

_**Yeah… why?**_

_**-Bella xx**_

_Bella,_

_DAMN IT._

_-The Dark Lord xx_

_**Tom,**_

_**Ha-ha! Gotcha!**_

_**-Dumbledore.**_

_**My Lord,**_

… _**What's he talking about?**_

_**-Bella xx**_

_Bella,_

_I can't tell you._

_-The Dark Lord. xx_

* * *

><p><em>Not all that funny :c. But I just flicked through loads of HP photos and I'm miserable and crying… -sigh-. I'd make Myrtle proud.<em>


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